Published: November 9, 2025 | Speaker: Mark Freitag | Series: 1 Peter - Part 24 | Scripture: 1 Peter 3:1-6
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Moving in first Peter into chapter 3 this morning I'm going to read verses 1 through 7. We're going to focus on verses 1-6, but read uh it in its
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fuller context. fuller context. 1 Peter 3 verse one. In the same way, you wives be submissive to your own husbands, so that even if
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any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be one without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chasteed and respectful behavior.
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And let not your adornment be merely external, braiding the hair and wearing gold jewelry and putting on dresses, but let it be the hidden person of the heart
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with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit which is precious in the sight of God. For in this way in former times the holy women
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also who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands. Thus Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, and you have become
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her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear. You husbands likewise live with your wives in an understanding way as with a
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weaker vessel since she is a woman and grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life so that your prayers may not be hindered. Let us pray. Our
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heavenly father, we do ask that you would again speak to us by your holy spirit. Help us to understand these words of Peter in their original
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setting, but also how they may apply to us today. us today. asking that you would keep from us any misunderstanding or mis apprehension of
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these things and that we may understand them as words that were meant for the church to be used by you to show that
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your church honors you in the midst of the society in which they found themselves. We ask that you would do these things, that you would help us in these things in Christ's name. Amen.
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This is a story of Larry and Debbie. Martha and I knew uh Larry and Debbie. Larry was a campus ministry with one of the parurch organizations
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in uh New England before we moved here to South Carolina. And as such they entertained a lot. They had uh guests over many evenings in the
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week doing evangelistic uh dinners and speaking with their uh converts, their students and their friends and opening
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their home for uh dinners and entertainment. And on one of these occasions uh and these are this is the words of of Larry.
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Um he said that uh they had a a big to-do, lots to eat and lots to clean up. And as he uh was helping the last of
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their guests uh leave for the evening, uh he was talking to them, Debbie was in the kitchen uh doing all the cleanup and putting things away and uh dishes and
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all of those things. And when Larry finished, uh, he went upstairs and got ready for bed and got in bed and was reading a book. And when Debbie, uh,
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came upstairs and crawled into bed, she said, "Oh, Lord, I'm exhausted." And Larry put down his book and turned
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to her and said, "Debbie, in the privacy of our own bedroom, you can call me Larry.
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but many interpret it in that manner. Now, Larry didn't actually say that. we we knew them to be very strong um in the Lord and Lord and he told that as a story as he began a a
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series on marriage. But this passage I do not believe is a marriage manual as many preachers take it to be.
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And if it were a marriage manual, we would now have the husbands and wives at least have one seat separation between you. Uh, and if you have arguing in the
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car this morning, uh, if uh, your driving has been uh, critiqued uh, severely or you've argued about is which
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pile is clean laundry and which pile is dirty laundry, um, we would make you sit on opposite sides of the aisle. But the context of first Peter 3
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goes all the way back into chapter one. So, so we have to remember that he's speaking to resident aliens. He calls them strangers and sojourers in this
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world. And and he does build them up. He you were born again to a living hope. You're protected, he says, by the power of God through faith. But he tells them,
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"Abstain from sinful lusts that wage war against your soul so that you may live good lives." good lives." Uses that word doing good deeds or doing
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good things that as you live among the pagans, though they may accuse you of doing wrong, he says, will see your good deeds
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and glorify God. In other words, he says, "Silence your accusers by living a beautiful life in
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Christ." One of the commentators, Edmund Clowney, said, "This is Peter's burden." Verse 12 of chapter 2. Keep your behavior excellent among the Gentiles, so that in
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the thing in which they slander you as evildoers, they may be because of your good deeds, as they observe them, glorify God in the day of visitation.
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So Peter is giving these admonitions
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to wives and to husbands, not just to teach them about marriage. It's been said that if you if you want the theological background for marriage,
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you you go to Paul. And Peter doesn't agree uh disagree with anything that Paul says here. But Peter's purpose is more apologetic.
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more apologetic. He's looking at how the Christians live in this society. He he is saying do nothing in in your life and in your marriage, in
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your relationships that brings shame on the name Jesus Christ. And so this double call that we see here
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to submission verse one and verse 5 is for the Lord's sake. And it's it's not temporary. It it's not
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just for first century Christian marriages. And it's not as if it's an adaptation to the culture that that would okay after
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some time some time the need for what I'm saying is going to
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He addresses Christian women married primarily I think to unbelieving men. But again, But again, I disagree with those who say it's only
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to unbelieving men because I I don't think it's restricted to unbelievers.
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But it certainly does seem on the face of it to be unfair, does it not? I mean, it's six to one. six verses for the wife's instruction and only one for the
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man. But this passage has been misunderstood, mis apprehended, misapplied, I think, for for centuries.
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It it seems to be a burden to the women and many interpret it as excusing the behavior of the husbands.
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It seems as if Peter is banning all aesthetics in women's dress. You can't wear it unless it's frumpy.
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And many disregard Peter's message, as I say, is outdated culturally. It's chauvinistic, It's chauvinistic, degrading to women, and it seems to let men
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abuse their god-given physical strength, abuse their god-given authority by lording it over women.
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And sadly, what was meant by Peter to honor women because he was definitely honoring women by actually addressing them.
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Christianity, even as well as the pagan world has often offended and divided contemporary Christians. It should have been and I think was
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intended by God to be empowering and affirming to women. Many react as if it enslaves them and oppresses them.
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Peter speaks to wives the word uh and again I lifted this from another commentator but he wants the wives to be countercultural
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and he walks a pretty fine line between honoring the Lord and honoring the husband. But you have to understand again the first century expectations of the wife
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in the in the Greco Roman world there. There were two basic things that I came across in my reading. One was that the wife was not to have any friends of her
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own. She would never go out of the home by herself alone. herself alone. And two, the wife was to worship her husband's gods
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husband's gods and not have gods of her own. So you can imagine the anticipation of antagonism
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when the wife did not follow the ideal of an orderly home. As we've already seen in other places in
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Peter, household order was paramount in that day. that day. And the wife adopting a religion
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other than the religion of her husband was going to be a violation of the household order. household order. And they not only looked at that at the man saying, "What's wrong with
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you?" That would have been an embarrassment to the husband. But the soci society as a whole they believed was would be under attack
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that there would be a threat because religion and religious order meant prosperity and well-being.
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And a wife taking on embracing a religion that was not her husband's would be an act of rebellion
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and would not be tolerated especially if the wife's worship was of Jesus alone Jesus alone and not adopting
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a pantheon of gods of her husbands but Christ alone rejecting his religion and his gods.
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And it would not only be an embarrassment to the husband, but it would draw criticism on his ability to be the head of his own household.
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The household meant that he was master of the house, master of the family unit.
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And if a wife were to leave the home on an evening for Christian fellowship with fellow believers outside of the household that would be forbidden and an upset of
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the family dynamic. relationship? Well, I think first of all, we have to
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talk about what Peter does not do. He doesn't speak to these issues
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He doesn't tell a wife that she cannot speak, although many take his words to mean that. And he doesn't tell her that your speech is pointless.
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He doesn't tell his wife to go anyway to Christian fellowship and worship, but he also does not tell her stay home and worship Christ privately in your own bedroom.
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And he doesn't tell a wife to submit to all men, but only to her own husband. And I think over the years I've noticed
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that some preachers violate Peter in that. But what Peter does do is he tells her
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to submit to her husband and then it's as if he leaves that relationship. how that works out,
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how they work through these issues up to the couple.
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But remember that submission is not the same thing as obedience. She is not to be obedient to society's expectation of what marriage is either
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in the first century or the 21st She is free in submission to determine how she will follow her husband's
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guidance. And certainly if she command he commands her to do evil, to do something wrong, sinful, she must obey the Lord and not her
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But Peter in this first verse does not expect her words to be as persuasive as her behavior.
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It's a pun or if you will allow me, it is a play on words when Peter says, "Be submissive to your own husbands so
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that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be one without a word by the behavior of their wives."
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Now many take this if they are disobedient to the word is the gospel. He is he must be an unbeliever and therefore he is a pagan. She is
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unequally yolked. And yet he's saying stay with it. He may be one by your good
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And that is part of it, but it seems to apply to all wives in situations where there may be married to an unbeliever or there may be a situation where they're married to a
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believer because the focus on the Greek word here is not unbelief. It doesn't say if any of them are unbelievers in
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the word, but it says disobedient to the word. And that brings in all wives. I believe the focus is on obedience, not on
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But he does seem to say that persistent talking to somebody who ain't listening is going to come across eventually as nagging, berating,
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and probably serves not to soften his position, but harden it. But Peter says in verse two, as they
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observe your chasteed and respectful behavior that literally he is a spectator of the wife, he's looking to see how she behaves, how she submits,
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and he sees her pure and respectful behavior. And he says, "As they observe your pure conduct in fear, her fear is directed
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not toward society and certainly not toward him, but toward God." Fear in the Lord, as we have already seen in Peter.
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There are those who read this and say that they will be one without a word by their chasteed and respectful behavior. But the language in the Greek is a
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purpose clause not a promise. It is not promised that they will be one if they are an unbeliever that they will change if they are disobedient to the word. And
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I say that because it was some years ago, but there was a young lady here in the church who wanted to marry a young man that that both uh
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Chuck and I knew um he's not ready. He's not We're not sure he's a believer. And I believe, and
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again, the phrase that I think the young lady used, but I can win him. And that's not what Peter is saying. They may be one. It's again, it's the
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purpose of God that they might see that and observe, but there is not the promise here that many would want it to be. We still go back if we're if we're
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thinking canonically, as we're learning on Thursday nights, if we're thinking theologically, canonically, we we go back to Paul. Do not be unequally yolked. Don't enter into a marriage that
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you know is not right. What what fellowship has Christ and bile or what fellowship has a believer and an unbeliever do not knowingly enter into
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that. But here we are in first century Christianity or in the case that we see sometimes I I didn't know.
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And there Peter says, "Stay with it. Submit to your husband. He may be one without a word."
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And he says, "Let not your adornment be external, the braiding of hair and wearing gold jewelry and putting on dresses." There there's this idea of the ornamentation of the wife. I I don't use
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the word beauty as many do the the the beauty because the the idea here behind the words is is ornamentation
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because it's an imperishable quality. It's unfading. It's unfading. It's incorruptible. This quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, it it's not
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just surface beauty. But again here misapprehension and misunderstanding as Daniel Doriani helps
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us understand. He says for both Greeks and Jews of that day extravagant dress could signify promiscuity or disregard for a husband's authority.
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And you read about these these fashions and many of the commentators send us back to Isaiah 3. There there were the daughters of Zion that he rails against
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here because the he says they walk with their heads held high and seductive eyes and go with mincing steps and tinkle the bangles on their feet. I mean, this is
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the epitome of of what Peter is trying to describe here with these phrases. Listen to what these women did.
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They had anklets, headbands, crescent ornaments, dangling earrings, bracelets, veils, headdresses, ankle chains, sashes,
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perfume boxes, amulets, finger rings, nose rings, festal robes, outer tunics, cloaks, money purses, hand mirrors, undergarments, turbans, and veils.
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That's a lot to wear. That would be heavy.
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the just reading about the hairds there. Apparently the Roman fashion of hairdos w was was so big and elaborate that the women would put these gold hairnetss on
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their hair to hold them in position. And it was said that they they would never touch their hair because you might undo it. And some of them wouldn't even
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lie down to go to sleep because they didn't want to mess up their hair. And one of the ancient Greeks wrote something like this.
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Curl on top of curl and twisting over the forehead like a masterpiece of a pastry chef. And it makes me think of Princess Leia in Star Wars. You know,
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the lady that wore those big cinnamon buns on the side of her head, right? That's that's not what Peter is talking about,
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it. Having your hair in braids is not the problem. Gold jewelry is it's not an issue. Nice clothes are not forbidden.
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But Peter points to these things because people use them to display their wealth and to be seen by others.
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As Doriani says, modesty is a principle. And the principle that he's trying to point out here is it's not something that you put on,
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but it's something that is inherent in the soul. the soul. manifesting itself in outward conduct
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and that's why I use the word ornament. The Greek word is actually cosmos which we think of the universe the worldly universe but originally it meant orderly
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arrangement or ornamentation. And guess what word we get from cosmos?
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cosmetics. Do you see the timeless nature of scripture here? The ornamentation
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from the meek and gentle quiet spirit. That will win a husband. Paganism did have some regard for meekness on the part of the wife as a human virtue
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human virtue for the for the man. No, you've got to be hard at it. You've got to be the one out front. You've got to be manly.
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be manly. But Peter seeks a a meekness that is a spiritual virtue. spiritual virtue. And it's of a different kind.
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costly adornment. Peter says, "I don't know. Do we still call it bling?" Bling was then and now of great worth to
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But he says, "A gentle and quiet spirit are what of or is what of great worth to God. They're precious, he says, in the sight of God,
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of God, reminding us of what God says to Samuel in 1st Samuel 16. God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward
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appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart. Meekness and quietness go together, do they not?
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they not? Vanity, pride, self assertiveness is usually loud usually loud and proud and proud with inmperate speech
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and a look at me attitude. But what is precious in the sight of God is that gentle and quiet spirit
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inherent in the soul. Again manifesting itself in outward conduct. Not just for a day, not just for a
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special occasion, not just for a see me, but it means the entire conduct of the entire life.
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And Peter says the Christian wife ought to understand she has a new identity. The examples that he has here are the holy women of old who hoped in God as
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they adorned themselves being submissive to their own husbands. These women were expecting all of their glory. anything
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that they had coming to them would come to them from God and not from corruptible earthly vanities. They kept adorning themselves.
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The idea of putting on garments for a while for men to see was not what they were about.
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were about. But it was the hidden person of the heart continuing in submission to their husbands that made them spiritual spiritually beautiful.
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And this submission was not as many suppose a loss to them but a means of gain. And Peter singles out Sarah. Thus Sarah obeyed Abraham calling him Lord.
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and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear. I'll admit that this is a very puzzling
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thing to single out Sarah. Most commentators point to Genesis 18 where it says uh now when the announcing
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of that Sarah would have a baby and she's eavesdropping and it says now Abraham and Sarah were old advanced in age Sarah was past childbearing Sarah
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laughed to herself saying after I have become old shall I have pleasure my lord being old also She had she used a term of respect, a term
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of honor for Abraham, which again lines up, I think, with what Peter is saying here. saying here. But I'm always puzzled by Genesis 12
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where in her submission to Abraham, she lied, telling Pharaoh and his men that she was his sister and not his wife. And God
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used that. I read it and I keep thinking, well, he was going to be killed if he said he was his wife. But Pharaoh is now angry because he lied. So maybe he's going to get killed anyway.
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But God did something to Pharaoh that kept him from killing Abraham. I believe that Peter probably doesn't
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look specifically at Genesis, but there was at the time this uh Jewish interpretive tradition of
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Sarah as the exemplar for Christian wives, the exemplary role for women. And it was developed over the centuries following the Genesis account.
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Sarah's obedience to Abraham and calling him Lord was in the estimation of com commentator Lensky only the mark of her character. The the emphasis in the
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passage is on the wives becoming daughters of Sarah. As Karen Jobes writes, "Christian women
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are to redefine themselves as Sarah's daughters and distance themselves from the virtuous woman as defined by the Greco Roman culture." He says, "You have
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become her children." Again, many people read this the if. Again, as we learned in Sunday school, there is the the if is
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a sense since you're doing what is right without being frightened by any fear.
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By virtue of being born again into a living hope, they're in the li lineage of Sarah.
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And guess what? Sarah's in the hall of fame of faith. Hebrews 11, By faith, even Sarah herself received ability to conceive, even beyond the proper time of life, since she considered him faithful
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who had promised. They follow the example of holy women, doing what is right and not giving way
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to fear of any kind. They're they're not to despise their unbelieving husbands. They're not to despise their disobedient
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husbands, but if need be, subject themselves to unjust treatment. unjust treatment. Because of their faith in Christ, they believe they will accomplish God's will.
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And maybe maybe the husband will be one to Christ without a word.
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passage, in light of what comes before this in verses 21 through 25, for you have been called for this purpose since Christ also suffered for you. And we see Christ
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as the one who committed no sin and yet he bore our sins on the cross. In in light of that context, I think we have to ask a question.
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And I don't know that I know the answer, but should a woman stay in a marriage where there is physical abuse.
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Peter does not sanction abuse. Although again because Peter does not specifically condemn slavery, many people put wives and slaves in there and says, "I don't understand why the New
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Testament didn't writers didn't revolt." But there's nothing in here that condones and sanctions abuse.
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Nor does Peter say that they should have to continue to submit to it. Even the Romans as I again my reading they did not sanction spousal abuse.
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Domestic violence happened. But domestic violence in their book was not healthy and good for society and they would not have condoned it.
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And my advice would be to appeal to a higher level to the elders to the civil authorities as we've already seen in our society.
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There is help. There is help within the church, in the community, the fellowship of believers. The suffering that Peter addresses would most likely have been verbal abuse and a
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loss of social standing. And the suffering would have come because a wife stood for something that was unknown and unpopular. Belief in
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Christ and Christ alone and for doing good in the name of
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So Peter says they are doing what they ought to do. So continue in this way. And the admonition is that they are to let nothing terrifying frighten them. Or
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we could use the word let nothing intimidate you intimidate you from staying the course.
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But again, Peter's main concern is that Christian behavior not give Christ a bad name. And we will see that he will address the
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husband. And even if the abuse is for disobedience and not unbelief, as I
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we still turn to the scriptures. And we understand that marriage is a creation ordinance.
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And within that marriage, men and women and women are equal. are equal. They're equal because they're made in the image of God. They're equal because they have the same
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access by faith from grace to salvation. And we're equal, as he says in verse 7, because they are heirs of the grace of
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and the differences of our roles or our functions in marriage. Again, the economy that Paul outlines for us in his words
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does not cancel out that equality. The church is called to uphold a biblical order of marriage.
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And that biblical order of marriage must mirror the relationship of Christ and his church. his church. And that's why we need
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to study these things to read to meditate upon them and apply them. And that's why Peter does not just speak to
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the wife, but also speaks to the husband. That we all might have chasteed and respectful behavior. respectful behavior. That we all might be submissive to one
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another as is due to the Lord in our fellowship with him. Let us pray. Our father, we ask again that you would
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speak to our hearts that by the Holy Spirit, you would not only help each of us understand us understand who we are and what we are to do as
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resonant aliens. resonant aliens. But father, we pray that your word would be transformational be transformational in our lives, in our families, in our
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church, but also in our community that you would be exalted everywhere. And that there might be some who are worn without a word. We ask in Christ's
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name. Amen.